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RESPONDER.US

Joke of the Day

Subject: The Invention of Beer

 The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
 the wheel, and the invention of beer. The wheel was invented to get
 man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
 together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
 distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

 Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning
 of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can were
 invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around
 waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the
 brewery. That's how villages were formed.

 Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night
 while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
 known as "the Conservative movement."

 Other men, who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to
 live off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and
 doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning
 of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved
 into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

 Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
 cats, the invention of group therapy and the concept of Democratic
 voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives
 provided.

 Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
 most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
 symbolized by the jackass.

 Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
 white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like
 their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard
 liberal fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of
 their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
 social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
 Hollywood and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the
 designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher
 also bat.

 Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still
 provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
 cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
 police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally
 anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire
 other conservatives who want to work for a living.

 Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
 producers and decide how to redistribute the production. Liberals
 believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why
 most of the liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming
 to America. They crept in later, after the Wild West was tamed, and
 created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

 It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to respond
 to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it. A Conservative
 will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it
 will be forwarded immediately!

Thought of the Day

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.  
~Norman Vincent Peale
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